You've heard me mention #mindset and staying focused on what you can control, aka your thoughts. But let me tell you, there are some days where it seems I'm more inclined to "practice what I preach" than others - little life tests, tiny struggles, that all come crashing in at once. Monday was one of these days for me.
I'm sharing my experience so you know that not every day is perfect. So you're reminded that we're humans, not machines and we feel things. Like really feel them!
But having learned and enjoyed so much of my self-discovery lately, I have come to see these days as "practice". Like a little test of my growth, ability and appreciating how far I've come, and also how much more I have to go. Because life is fluid and so are our experiences and emotions. And this is okay!!!!
So here is how it went down....
Last week, Emilee (our 4-year old daughter) had a hardcore cough which quickly led into a crazy cold. Four days later, yours truly got a case of the sniffles and sneezes which quickly progressed into a full-blown cold. Lately a little cold takes me 2-3x as long to recover from, so while I wasn't loving this new physical state, I accepted it and just took some time to rest and heal.
But on the 6th day, Monday, things took a little turn into my chest. The rattle in my lungs. It was back. My heart started racing. Surely this can't be happening and then ALL THE THOUGHTS came flooding in for a brief moment. Like all of them! Is this a sign? Is "it" spreading? Am I doing something wrong? No wait - this is a good thing! My cold is breaking up and my lungs are amazing. So I did what anyone with progressive cancer would do, I broke down and called my doctor. She wanted me to come in and off I went, not knowing what to expect.
I sat there waiting, wondering, calming my nerves and telling myself that “I am safe. I am loved. I choose life”. I wasn’t aimlessly scrolling on my phone, I was in my head. And…I felt better, for a little bit. Then more waiting, nerves escalating again and I kept repeating to myself – “I choose life. I choose to live”. This cycle went on an on through the Flu swab (which p.s. is TERRIBLE) as well as through the x-ray that followed the office exam. I reminded myself that "more information is better", "knowledge is powerful" and that these results would allow us to make the best decisions for my body. Then it dawned on me how a full chest x-ray would also rule out other terrible things and how lucky I was to have a little snapshot into my chest cavity that day. To be surrounded my medical magicians that could whisk me to the next scan or result if I needed to. That I was EXACTLY where I was supposed to be that day, in that waiting room...waiting. I was excused and told the doctor would call me in "an hour or so". And so back home I went. More waiting. But this time, I was calm. I knew it was nothing to worry over. That information is king! And that I was lucky to be surrounded by so much knowledge that day. That I was safe, happy and at home with my family. No phone call would take that away.
And then it came...the call.
Everything was fine!! Just a sinus infection that I could steam shower my way out of over the next few days. And there it was - my deepest breath in (of thanks and gratitude), and an equally deep breath out (of true, genuine release).
I did it. I practiced this new mindset today and I survived it.
It was not perfect or without flaws, but I did it. And it was better than the last time and the time before that. I smiled pridefully. This too shall pass, and next time, I'll try, try again!
Remember - not all days will go as planned, it's what you make of them that matters. We're all a little work in progress. That's the beauty of the morning sunrise and starting each day over again.
Enjoy your beautiful day and your new beginnings ahead!